I sit here clutching useless lists,
keys for doors that don't exist,
I crack my teeth on pearls.
I tear into the history,
show me what it means to me in this world


'Cause I am due for a miracle,
I'm waiting for a sign.
And I'll stare straight into the sun,
and I won't close my eyes
'til I understand or go blind.


I see the parts but not the whole.
I've studied saints and scholars both,
but no perfect plan unfurls.
Do I trust my heart
or just my mind?
Why is truth so hard to find in this world?


'Cause I am due for a miracle,
I'm waiting for a sign.
And I'll stare straight into the sun,
and I won't close my eyes
'til I understand or go blind.


I know that there's a point I've missed,
shrine or stone I haven't kissed,
scar that never graced my wrist,
a mirror that hasn't met my fist,
but I can't help feeling like


I'm due for a miracle,
I'm waiting for a sign.
I'll stare straight into the sun
and I won't close my eyes.

--'Stare At The Sun' Thrice--

Why say it yourself when someone else can sing it for you?

That awkward moment when you get a text from someone who told you they were deleting your number last time you talked, and they want to know why you never text them. And they have to start the text by clarifying that they are sober.

These are the kind of people I used to associate myself with. Thank God I've moved on with my life.

So after being without a computer for a month, I'm back! Well, now. Almost a month after I got another computer...

I don't really know what I'm dong with this blog. I don't feel like I have anything interesting going on or anything important to share which is why I've left this alone for so long. I guess I can continue to post things I find enjoyable: music, poetry, whatever else I've been posting. I didn't start this blog to be internet famous, but I feel like I'm talking to myself sometimes.

Location, Location, Location by Gabriel Gadfly

I could have kissed you
under cherry blossoms,
pale petals drifting down
like the trees wanted to
pretend they could be
snowclouds.


I could have kissed you
in the rain, drenched to
our bones and not even
caring that the skies
opened up above us
and tried to wash us out.


I could have kissed you
in a clearing in the most
secluded woods, with
just the sound of wind
rustling through the leaves
and a few voyeuristic
finches peeping at us.


Instead, I kissed you
in the parking lot of a
Waffle House, just shy
of 2 a.m. in the middle
of a hectic week, with
our waitress grinning
at us from the other
side of the window,
because, honestly,
how could I not?

In honor of the fourth season premiere of Fringe. Which was awesome, by the by.

Y is for Yellowcard

Rough Landing, Holly | Yellowcard

Even though Ocean Avenue is my favorite Yellowcard album, this song is pretty good. And a lot less painful to listen to since it's not connected to certain times, people, or events.

Maybe you'd be kidnapped by pirates...

So there's this guy.

In high school, he adored me. I thought he was awkward and weird, but cool and a good friend. We talked about music, about school, about my stupid on-and-off boyfriend. We sat on the hood of his car, eating pizza between rehearsals, spinning elaborately strange and hilarious stories. I knew he liked me, and I let him. Meanwhile, I continued to date guys who were no good for me. He was chivalrous and sensitive and giving. I was selfish.

And now here we are, three years removed from that world. We have so many of the same interests, so many of the same opinions. Each discussion entails a detailed analysis of whatever show we're watching that week. Or somehow becomes a critique of society. Or some wild scheme blooms, usually involving world domination. We have fun. He is still the same silly, awkward, caring guy from high school, if a little more grown up. I am still selfish, but less so. Amazingly, he still likes me.

I spent some time trying to convince myself that I only like him because he is the only guy who has shown a genuine interest in me as a person for quite a while. But that's not true; I like him for lots of reasons. And best of all, I like him for who he is and not how he makes me feel.

Here's the crappy part: he lives in North Dakota now. I know he's, at least, good for me and, at most, right for me. Which is why I can't bring myself to start this relationship in a long-distance capacity right now. Most long-distance relationships I've seen have failed and failed horribly. Part of me argues that if it is right, it will not happen this way. But do I really want to risk that? Do I really want to take the chance that I will remember the relationship as a complete failure somewhere down the road? No, not really. But seeing as he will probably not live near me for a long time, at what point will I give in and try it? Will giving this a label be a necessity, anyway? We each know how the other feels. Isn't that enough for now? What would it change, besides my Facebook status? I would like to imagine that it won't change much.

(I can just imagine the reaction of all of our high school friends though. That would be fun in itself.)

I don't know I'm doing or what I'm even talking about sometimes.

Relationships are confusing. Even the good ones.