Anxiety and No Real Food.

I feel so useless, my anxiety is getting worse. I can't do anything. I can't even call my dentist to schedule an appointment. I can't text my friend and see if he's okay since his aunt died. I can't tell my parents I still have a tuition payment to make.

I stayed in bed until about 3 today. Missed my classes again. Accomplished nothing. And when I got up, I only got up because I had to go to work, and the entire time, I just wanted to go home and lay down and have a cry.

I brushed my teeth until my gums bled this morning because I was worried about cavities. Then I went back to bed.

I had a hotdog, some 'tator tots, a cup of Easy Mac, a Pop-tart, a Kit-Kat, some Ritz crackers, and a Pecan Delight today. My mom didn't save me dinner like I asked her to, and I got so upset that I just skipped dinner after work. I need to eat real food more often.

This entry is so mundane, but so was today.

I wish I didn't have to ever wake up again.

On the subject of food.

I am hungry because, once again, I didn't eat dinner. Sometimes I forget to eat. Most times, I'm just not hungry.

This little fact really worries me. I love food, I love eating. My dad enjoys cooking and baking and really instilled a love of food in me as I was growing up. Like most children, I was a picky eater. Now, I will eat almost anything. When I feel like eating, that is. Some days, I wake up at 6 a.m. and won't eat until 5 p.m., and that's mostly out of necessity. My stomach may not say I'm hungry, but my head will start hurting and the only way to make it stop is with food.

Other days, it's like I can't stop eating. All I can think about is food and I never feel full. I try to fill up all the empty space inside of me with whatever food is at my disposal. Of course, it doesn't work, and the next day I don't feel like eating at all.

I want to eat like a normal person. Why is it so hard?